I found out I don’t even know how to tie my own shoelaces. I’ve been tying my own for quite some time now, but apparently I’ve been doing it all wrong all this time. Who knew?
I was lacing up one morning in preparation for work when this girl sweetly observed “Do you know that you’re tying your shoes wrong?” What? How could I be tying my shoes wrong? It’s not like it’s terribly complex.
“When you double knot your laces, you cross over right over left. The way you make your bow, if you double knot your laces that direction, the bows end up laying in a line pointing front and back, parallel to your shoe. If you crossed over the other direction, your bows your lay left and right, like that should.”
Wha? They do not! I should what? Like this? But, but, but, that just feels wrong.
Of course, being vaguely obsessive-compulsive, now I can’t help but think about this every time I tie my shoes. I’m trying to use it as a moment of zen mindfulness, but it’s closer to the effect achieved when asking a tennis player whether the inhale before or after they serve the ball. Not to mention that tying my knots the opposite direction feels about as natural and graceful as masturbating with the other hand.
Not to disagree with the girl, but I’d consider the task done correctly if the shoes remain fast on your feet.