My life is feeling pretty up in the air lately, in a way that is not entirely comforting. The new job started last week. And while there is nothing about the new team and assignments that I can complain about, it is still a very strange feeling, being on campus again, sliding back into a role that is oddly familiar at the same time it is completely and totally new. It almost feels like I am trying to adjust to a new flavor of reality, that exists in parallel with my previous life, but it completely unlike it. I feel like Little Nemo in Slumberland. Okay, no one knows who that is. Let’s say I feel like that little kid in The Sixth Sense. “I see dead people.” It does feel rather like there are a lot of ghosts wandering the hallways.
On the home front, there is a new home, a new city and an hour-long commute to get used to. The loft is lovely and swank, but the space is more crowded than I am used to (even if it is spacious by the standards of The City), the cats are spooked by it all, things are never where I think to look for them and there is a lot of “settling” that will need to be done before this space feels “right”.
I am a guy who is used to knowing what he is doing, and how to best do it. And I don’t feel like I have any of those assurances at the moment. I just don’t have my feet under me.
Maybe I’ll love this job and do another ten years, maybe I’ll decide it was a horrible mistake and quit next month. Maybe I’ll love living in the city, maybe I’ll decide the city is fine but this place won’t work, maybe I’ll flee back to the suburbs. I am trying not to over-react to any of this. I have a ton of change all happening at once, and it’s not surprising that I am feeling out of sorts. I am reminding myself to live in the minute, experience it for what it is, good, bad, chaos and learning all at once. Worst case, all of the changes can be undone if necessary.
The only exception is that moving back to the exact place I left is almost certainly not going to be an option. I am okay with that. The one decision that I do feel reasonably comfortable about is that it was time (or past time) to leave there. I had built up too much inertia in that space, and it feels good to have shaken that off, even if I am not so sure about how right the subsequent steps were.
Enjoy the moment. Accept it for what it is. Breath deeply and find the growth in the situation.
Enjoy the moment. Accept it for what it is. Breath deeply and find the growth in the situation.
Wise words for any situation. *hugs* Best of luck with however the chips fall.
oh so familiar
I can’t tell you how familiar that all sounds, with a twist of course. When I left my job a the same company, it was a real shock to my system. Don’t ignore the signs that this feels overwhelming…
That said, now that I’ve been out of the industry for going on three years, I both do and don’t miss it. When big events occur, I miss it more, and wonder sometimes if I made the right choice. It’s just so weird to read about the news and know a lot of my friends are making it happen.
While I sit out, doing something else (something utterly rewarding, far more worthwhile to me, etc., but still).
tim
Two quotes for you, the first from Stephen Mitchell’s translation of the Tao Te Ching:
“Do you have the patience to wait
till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
till the right action arises by itself?”
And the second from Audra:
“I’ve learned so many things over the past two years since dropping out, some I knew and re-learned; others seem like brand new knowledge. The best is that it all works out. Always. Religious people call this faith. Heathens like me have to discover it de novo through trial and tribulation.”
What I’m feeling right now in my own crazy life is that you always do the right thing if you are present. I’m impressed with you for making this move- I know you have been weighing options. In any case, post some pictures of the cats! 🙂
Something lost, something gained
Wow, we should chat. I’ve traded a lifelong suburban existence for the urban loft lifestyle too, but gave up California in the process. I kept my job at the company, but being a telecommuter is a dramatic difference and indeed, brings many ghosts and moments of loss and discovery. Many similarities in our life-changes, but enough difference that we might could learn from each other, or at least share some “me too” moments.
Gordon