I self identify as an introvert. When socializing, I do better with smaller groups or even one on one, and I actively struggle with larger groups of relative strangers. And I’m just lousy at the whole small talk chit-chat thing. But I make an effort. Working at home, if I didn’t make an effort to get out there and socialize, I’d practically be a shut-in.
And yet, as awkward and uncomfortable as I can feel whilst making small talk, I am repeatedly shocked at how much worse some other people are! I attended a group breakfast-social thing this morning, and arrived earlier than expected. So, I ended up chatting a bit with another fellow who arrived early. He was nearly mute, so I was pushed into being the one to initiate conversation. Or we could have sat in silence, I guess. I started making with the chit chat. I asked good questions, avoided stuff that could be answered with a “yes” or “no”, tried to draw him out. And still, I got monosyllabic answers, didn’t get any corresponding questions about myself, and overall was met with flat affect.
So I’m weak, but I’m better than some. Being social is hard.
I applaud your effort…truly I do.
I am both…extrovert and introvert however I lean more toward introvert when in settings concerning strangers. I have to PRACTICE being extroverted in these types of scenarios. Sometimes you do well and have a decent conversation and other times, like your scenario…the person you have engaged is just not into that and is perhaps very shy and finds being approached scary if you will.
I say don’t stop trying. I have gotten SOOO much better socially just by practicing and dropping the fear of WHAT IF THEY DO NOT LIKE ME? So what if they do not like me, there are plenty of folks that DO like me so hey at least I am trying.
..and for the record
I used to be so painfully shy, that ordering pizza over the phone was something I could not do and OMG going into a restaurant to order anything…forget it….so yeah, practice makes perfect
and I hear you on teh working from home bit..I work from home too
Have a great weekend
Hey, thanks! I appreciate your comments!
I’m what I call a “closet introvert”. When forced into social situations that feel really stressful, I get jocular, flirty, superficial. “Life of the party.” A friend once said about me, “If you think he’s an extrovert, that just means you don’t know him that well. You have to get to know him to see how much of an introvert he really is.” I’ve gotten a little better at being more aithentically me since those days, but there’s still some truth to the description.
I’m working the Rose City Rollers bout tomorrow, which should be major fun! Aside from that, it’s all an unplanned adventure.
“If you think he’s an extrovert, that just means you don’t know him that well. You have to get to know him to see how much of an introvert he really is.”
Yeah, that pretty much describes you back when I knew you.
Yes it is hard. Applause to you for making the effort. Asking open-ended questions is a gift in itself.
Sometimes there is just no drawing someone into conversation and that’s that. There’s no sense beating yourself up over how well you did/didn’t go about the attempt. Some people just aren’t approachable.
It occurs to me… wouldn’t this effort to adjust and take on the traits of extroversion be a mature introversion? I seem to remember an idea from Jung about how the task of maturity is to achieve balance between traits – or at least be able to take on the opposite trait when needed.
I would agree that I’ve made more of an effort to bring balance to life and brain as I’ve aged. Over the course of several years, I had a habit of taking classes that were not left-brain disciplines that I could “over-think” myself out of. Massage, sailing, wood working, cooking are major examples that come to mind. I’m mulling my next choices. Sewing (as in, with a machine), guitar and bee keeping are the leading candidates at the moment.
I don’t know whether one can “switch” from an introvert to an extrovert (or vice versa), or whether trying to do so would even be a wise thing. But I would at least like to have more faculty at treading in those waters in a way that feels sincere and genuine. Dialing down the Hephaestus and calling on the Hermes a bit more (since you started down the Jungian path).