Self analysis

I self identify as an introvert. When socializing, I do better with smaller groups or even one on one, and I actively struggle with larger groups of relative strangers. And I’m just lousy at the whole small talk chit-chat thing. But I make an effort. Working at home, if I didn’t make an effort to get out there and socialize, I’d practically be a shut-in.

And yet, as awkward and uncomfortable as I can feel whilst making small talk, I am repeatedly shocked at how much worse some other people are! I attended a group breakfast-social thing this morning, and arrived earlier than expected. So, I ended up chatting a bit with another fellow who arrived early. He was nearly mute, so I was pushed into being the one to initiate conversation. Or we could have sat in silence, I guess. I started making with the chit chat. I asked good questions, avoided stuff that could be answered with a “yes” or “no”, tried to draw him out. And still, I got monosyllabic answers, didn’t get any corresponding questions about myself, and overall was met with flat affect.

So I’m weak, but I’m better than some. Being social is hard.