I wonder what I would do if I was Michael Schiavo?
Please don’t misinterpret that question. I firmly believe he has every right to attempt to honor his wife’s wishes, and I think the politicos who have inserted themselves into this tragedy are opportunistic, self-serving bastards.
But, just because I believe someone has every right to do something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the choice I would make.
If I had considered this a year ago, I would have firmly stated I would do the same thing Michael Schiavo is doing.
But, a few months ago I read a nice little book titled Stiff. One of the issues that book forced me to consider more deeply was the question of what to do with a person’s body once they are dead. Previously, I would have said that the wishes of the deceased should be honored as much as possible. And if someone wanted to be dressed in a suit and put in an expensive box that’s buried underground… well, their kink is okay.
But “Stiff” made a point that deeply resonated with me, particularly since I have zero belief in an afterlife; the deceased are dead. (Duh!) They are far beyond caring whether their wishes for their corpse are honored or not. And so, if you have to choose between honoring their wishes, versus making some gesture that would help the family and survivors cope with the loss, maybe it makes more sense to lean towards the latter.
And for me, the same issues extend to someone who is in an irreversible vegetative state. Their body may still be alive, but “they”, that person is, for all intents and purposes, dead. And now someone has to make decisions for them about what to do next.
Let me put this in more personal terms. Someday, my girlfriend will die. Or (worse yet) be on life support from some non-recoverable disability. And, unless I’ve beaten her to the finish line, I’ll be in the position of deciding what to do with her body. (She has signed a Medical Directive giving me Power of Attorney for Health Care.) I know what her personal wishes are in such matters; pull the plug, donate to medical science whatever they will take, cremate the rest. (The same as my own personal wishes.)
And then I think of her parents. And if it meant the world to them for her to continue existing, even in a horribly debilitated state, would I really take that away from them? For what purpose? To honor the wishes of the one person who no longer had a single care about the situation? I don’t think I would do it. If her parents passionately wanted to maintain that breathing corpse until the last possible moment, if that gave them some measure of peace and consolation, I would want to give them whatever scrap I could.
Now here’s hoping I won’t have to make such decisions, not for a very long time, not ever.
[a flip answer because i can’t manage a more serious one]
I plan to come back from any near-death event with some superpower, perhaps the ability to see someone’s future after touching them. I’ll start studying Walken and AMH for mannerisms now! Time to cue another episode on the 6FU DVD that just arrived from netflix?
oh, and … Gorgeous icon!
I’ve had similar thoughts — that in expressing my wishes, allowing for the preference of the survivors is important. Still, the thought of spending tons of money for a traditional funeral is horrifying. If folks are going to do that, they will ahve to consciously recognixe that it’s what they want to do. It’s not for me.
Fair enough. That’s a really good point.
And I certainly leave room for the possibility that for some survivors, the way they would best “say goodbye” would be by honoring the departed’s known wishes. For me, personally, it meant a lot knowing that tissues donations had been taken from my mom. I had no question but what she really would have wanted that.
but what if her mind is only mostly destroyed? What if there’s a tiny glimmer of consciousness still in there? What if she’s been in some sort of awfulll purgatory for the last seven years, just hoping someone would end it for her? Sorry, these are the things I think about.
That’s a great question, and I don’t have much of an answer for it. I think all you can do is listen to the doctors (plural; multiple diagnoses are a good thing) and make the best judgment you know how. But even then… what little I know about brain anatomy and function tells me there are far more questions than answers.
As an example, check out this article I found today. Maybe the brain is much less necessary than we have previously believed.
It’s not about knowledge, it’s about trust
I think you are missing a major angle here. That we honor the wishes of those dead isn’t really about whether they know we are honoring their wishes or not, it’s that the rest of us want to believe that our own wishes will be followed.
If we decide that since the dead are, well, dead, then we can do what we want, then why would anyone alive believe their wishes would be honored?
Tim Holmes
Re: It’s not about knowledge, it’s about trust
Nope, I haven’t missed that at all.
For me, personally, I’ve hit the stage of not caring. I have my preferences (donate what they will take, even if it’s the entire body for some med student, burn the rest) but I’m also okay if something else is done because it makes the death easier in some way for the people who have to deal with my burial.
At present, there’s only one person for whom I hold this sole responsibility. I’ve made sure she read this, and let her know I would totally understand if she wanted to have someone else listed as the decision maker, if there was a chance I would do something other than follow her strict wishes. Thus far, she seems to understand where I’m coming from.