Welcome to the HHMO!

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I’m surprised someone hasn’t already created this: a Hippy HMO.

You’ve broken your arm, and show up at the Hippy HMO. The highly trained staff springs into action. First they check your medical records to find your astrological sign (Virgo sun, Pisces moon, your mid-heaven is in Virgo, your rising is in Scorpio, and your Saturn is in Aries), your Chinese zodiac animal (horse), your qigong temperament (earth constitution), and blood type (Type B, which means you’re wild, active, a doer).

A technician starts a Kirlian camera so the doctor can see the color and strength of your aura. A reiki partitioner does energy work over your arm to speed the healing process and align your chakras, while a shaman finds the proper crystals for you to carry in your pocket.

Just before you leave, the pharmacy of the HHMO provides you with a homeopathic 30C dilution of wolf’s bane and a copper bracelet.

Get well soon!

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