Competency and Insecurity

I’m building this theory that there’s often a correlation between competency and insecurity in people. That is, people who are very competent in their performance are often the very people who are insecure in their performance. In fact, I’d go so far as to guess that there’s a causal relationship here; that often people are competent because their insecurity makes them try that much harder to compensate.

One of the reasons I’ve been thinking about this has been because of some events at work. My manager recently relayed some compliments to me, which I grudgingly accepted. Yeah, I’m one of those insecure people myself. 🙂 Some time later, we talked about a new employee of mine who had missed some work due to personal issues, and her concerns that this might be negatively affecting her role in the team and with me. I was surprised, because I thought I had been very vocal and consistent in supporting this person, and additionally, this person has been doing great work in her brief time on the team. But I took the message; I needed to re-iterate my support for her.

So, at the next available opportunity I found this employee and asked her to walk to the cafe with me so we could get some coffee and talk. As we started walking, she took a deep breath and asked me, “Am I being fired?”

I wanted to laugh and sigh all at the same time. Here’s a person who is very bright, has been doing excellent work, has made an immediate contribution to the team, and is well liked by her co-workers. Yet the first thought that crossed her mind was that she was being fired. Amazing. And yet, I have to say, not an unfamiliar feeling.

I immediately reassured her that she wasn’t being fired, of course. And then talked for a bit about my theory about insecurity, and how it seems to drive the competency in some people, but it also undermines their ability to feel comfortable and secure in their abilities. And I talked about how someone might be able to hear praise intellectually, but not have it sink in emotionally, not really feel it in their bones. “So, I understand that I’m going to say this and it may not sink in, but I feel obligated to say it anyway. You are doing a good job. Everyone likes you. You are more than pulling your own weight. You are working on exactly the right issues. I am thrilled to have you on the team. The time you have had to be out of the office is not an issue, and I will do everything I possibly can to accommodate those events. You’re good. Try not to worry so much.” 🙂

I don’t know if it will stick, but she seemed to appreciate it, at least.